Saturday, January 21, 2012

Worst album ever? - you be the judge!


"Summon Forth the Mangonel" by the Bing Turkby Ensemble just had a review from NZ Musician, and it took a beating!
Apart from a couple of mistakes ("Slapskins" has become "Slapsticks"), the review is well-written – the guy has some good lines.
So, the reviewer sure didn't like it very much, but is it the worst album you've ever heard?
We've made it free to download, so you can judge for yourself.

Read the review here:

Download or listen to the album here:

Donate money to the SPCA here (they do good work)


Thursday, August 25, 2011

CD + Book stockists


Here are the places (so far) that you can buy a copy of the Bing Turkby Ensemble CD "Summon Forth the Mangonel", and the Turkby book "Tour Trouble":

The Turkby Bandcamp page has several different packages with combinations of the CD and book, plus other assorted stuff!
You can also get a digital download of the album there, if you don't want physical clutter in your tidy home.

Marbecks (Palmerston North, in the Plaza, pictured above) stock the CD and the book.

CDBaby.com can sell you the physical CD or a digital download of the album

Amazon.com has the book (and hopefully soon a Kindle version)

Update: free ebook version available here! Feedbooks.com has 'Tour Trouble' in ePub, MOBI (Kindle) and PDF formats.

TurkbyTone Rekkids has books and CDs listed on Trademe.co.nz too. Just search for "Turkby".

I'd like to thank everyone who has supported me and the band by buying a CD and/or book - we really appreciate it!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Too much excitement!

First up: I was driving behind a RAV4 vehicle the other day and I noticed the number plate was BTE276. TurkbyTone Rekkids would like to reward this proud supporter of the Bing Turkby Ensemble by offering them a free "Summon Forth the Mangonel" CD! So if you are the vehicle owner, get in touch with me (here) and I'll hook you up. Congratulations!


Yeah it's been an amazing week for me. I had so much stuff going on that I ended up getting sick with a cold and wasting half the week lying around watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force. (But is that really wasting time, or imbibing high culture? Hmmm...)

Thanks to the superhuman efforts of MacDeth and McBOOOM and three top-quality Palmy bands (The Nerines, Black Chrome and Neobreed), the Mangonel CD launch at the Royal was massive! A huge turnout, great performances, and there was even a cardboard home theatre system made by Slapskins to wow the punters. Thanks to all who came and had a good time!
Sadly I was having such a good time that I started to believe that my fabulous shiny robe was a good bulky winter coat. This was disproved the next morning when I immediately came down with a horrible cold. There's a lesson for me in there - don't believe your own hype. Luckily I had enough of my wits about me to remember that my cardboard helmet isn't strong enough to withstand an actual sword blow...
Anyway, I would go around wearing not much more than cardboard during one of Palmy's coldest ever days - first time I've ever actually seen snow coming down. Listening to it melt off the trees the next morning was strangely moving.
(Let's move on before I start to write haiku.)


On Friday we take our travelling circus to Marbecks in the Plaza. For those of you who don't live in Palmy, the Plaza is where you go to text your friends who are in the next shop over. And kids like to hang out there too. It's a real social hub, especially for those of us who aren't very outdoorsy. Marbecks CD store/bookshop/cafe is right on the corner of the Square, so everyone walking past will be drawn in by the subliminal messages hidden in McBOOOM's video display. Heh heh.
We will be erecting the guardtowers of the Castle Xanthros so people get a sense of occasion.
As with the previous gig, there will be a prize for best cardboard sword, so get crafting!
Remember, no REAL swords please!
This gig is an all-ages event, so bring your gran and she can kick out some raspberry jam with us.
The show goes from 6PM till 7PM, so don't be late! In fact you might have to get there early to get a seat where you can see the whole visual compendium.

I was mighty surprised and pleased to see that someone had not only bought a copy of my 'Tour Trouble' book on Amazon.com, but also written a review about it. By golly, it's a pretty freaky review. Then again, it does seem to capture the mood!

'Summon Forth the Mangonel' has officially been released at Bandcamp now, so the chocks are off and we're ready to fly! I've already been contacted by Bruce Willis, who wants to play me in the movie version of the CD. I told him I'd get back to him, but I lost his number.

I was thinking of retiring Vincent the Van and upgrading to Vincent the Second, but after a quick look at my bank account, Vinnie the 1st is looking really good after all! Maybe I will actually just start taking care of him better. I could buy him van treats and let him sleep in the lounge.

OK, off to perpetrate some cardboard construction.

By the power of the Sword of Xanthros, enjoy your day!

Bing

Thursday, August 4, 2011

No chimpanzee fossils?


I attended a public lecture last night about evolution, mitochondria and some other things I didn't understand. I was actually only there to run the PA, so don't go thinking I know about this stuff. Anyway, the lecturer said that studying how humans evolved from chimpanzees is complicated by the fact that there are no chimpanzee fossils. (My research assistant Mr Franz Google tells me there have actually been some found, but only a few teeth. Very sketchy.)
Now, I know a cover-up conspiracy when I smell one. No chimpanzee fossils? Either someone has very carefully erased them, or Slartibartfast forgot to put them in, or – and I think this is the only logical conclusion – chimpanzees evolved from humans, not the other way around!
Yes, I think that humans are an evolutionary backwater, and the chimps are laughing at us because we haven't realised it yet, and we have just accidentally continued to exist.

So evolution now looks something like this:
Single-celled organisms – Nemo the clownfish – Axolotl – Some kind of hairy fishman – Neanderthals – Modern humans – Chimpanzees.

How about that, Science? Something to think about, for sure.
(Unless anyone out there knows someone with a complete, stolen chimpanzee fossil record in their garage..?)

By the way, this is not an advertisment for the new Planet of the Apes movie, it's pure coincidence.
Bing


Later that day..., some further thoughts:


After consultation with Slapskins McBOOOm, a further hypothesis is forming.
At most Bing Turkby Ensemble gigs there is a thumb-dancing competition. This involves members of the audience performing dance moves that showcase their thumbs.
Given that the latest BTE release “Summon Forth the Mangonel” tells of how the band use UFOs to travel back in time, it is possible that there is now no need to use chimpanzees as an evolutionary step.
Consider this: the Bing Turkby Ensemble travel back in time for a gig, performing in front of early land-based fish. A thumb-dancing competition ensues, the fish doing the best they can with fin-dancing. The BTE come back to present time. The audience of proto-humans takes the thumb-dancing innovation and runs with it. Over time, they form curled-up hands, and then start trying to thumb-dance with their feet. As they evolve, they develop the ability to climb trees and stuff. As much more time passes, they evolve into modern human form.
So, the evolution of modern human beings is obviously due to a trip back in time by the Bing Turkby Ensemble!
Unfortunately we now run into one of those ubiquitous time travel paradoxes.
But it's still the most elegant solution to the problem of the missing chimpanzee fossils...

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Fender Pawn Shop '72 guitar review

Yee-har! My new baby finally arrived in the country last week. It's a Fender Pawn Shop '72 (yes, spelled P-A-W-N). Mine is called Loriel the Sorceress. She will bewitch you with her groovy tone.

About 6 months ago I was having a deeply philosophical discussion with my long-suffering bandmates MacDeth and McBOOOm about dream guitars. Not guitars you play in dreams, but guitars you would design if you had the chance. I decided I would make one with a Stratocaster body, but with an F-hole, which is something you don't see on Fender Strats. I'd have a neck like the one on my Telecaster, and I'd have two humbuckers. I would also prefer a hardtail bridge (ie. no tremelo arm), because I go out of tune enough as it is, and I don't have the patience to set up a Floyd Rose.

The people at Fender Japan must have heard me (and translated my speech into Japanese), because shortly afterwards they announced they'd be making this guitar, which has all the stuff I asked for! Another cool feature is that it has no tone control. The knobs you see are for volume and pickup blend. So essentially you get your tone control by mixing between the neck pickup and the bridge pickup.
As soon as I heard about the production of this beauty I went and ordered one at the local Rockshop. And voila, a couple of months later, here it is!

Over that waiting period I had plenty of time to wonder if the guitar would actually be any good when it arrived. Thank goodness, the first time I picked it up it just absolutely sang! It's a total joy to play, especially if you like a slim neck. I had thought it would be kinda chunky, but it's actually very slim.

The finish is as good as you would expect from a Japanese Fender - ie. marvellous. No sharp fret ends, the action is nice and low (the way I like it!), the frets are nicely polished, the pickups are correctly positioned (you know how some guitars look like they've been put together by a Dadaist construction team...), the paintwork is flawless, and so on.

The pickups have been well-chosen, and the sounds you can get are pretty varied. The neck pickup sounds great for high-gain solos, or just as nice doing clean chords. Fender's "Wide-Range" humbucker is juicy and bell-like, and surprisingly similar to the neck pickup on my Telecaster. Just with a bit more grunt. So it actually works nicely for clean (or slightly overdriven) country/rock too.
The "Enforcer" bridge pickup is obviously designed for rock riffery, judging by the name, but it can also be used for a different kind of clean tone, especially if you back off the volume a bit - it softens the attack somewhat. I'm mostly using it for high-gain rhythm chords (the string definition is good) and some good ol' rowdy palm muting.
Considering how different in character these two pickups are, it's pretty amazing how well they work together, and the output balance is spot on, so if you go from one to the other there's no massive change in volume.

The sustain is Tufnel-esque (meaning: really good), and the guitar is nice and light, so you can sling it round like an eejit onstage!
The F-hole doesn't make a hugely significant addition to the tone as far as I can tell, and peering inside you can see that it's not as hollowed-out as a Gibson 335, for example, but I would imagine that when you play through a loud amp it would really add some resonance. Plus it looks great. I was hoping they would offer a pie shape because I think a pie-hole would be cool. No luck so far.

I like my unusual guitars to look a little odd, so I went for the "Foam Green" version. You can get it in sunburst as well, but it looks a little too normal to me...

So if you want something a little unusual, that's great for rock, this beast could be the one for you, especially if you want a Gibson twin-humbucker kind of drive but prefer the feel of a Stratocaster.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Summon Forth the Mangonel! CD + Book press release


In a world first for a rock band, the Bing Turkby Ensemble are releasing a concept album, a fantasy novella to go with it, and a set of collectable trading cards!

Yep, Jim K, the manager of the Bing Turkby Ensemble, has finally phoned in from a jacuzzi in Ulan Bataar and set a release date for the new BTE album.
"Summon Forth the Mangonel" will be released into the wild at the Royal in Palmerston North on Saturday August 13th, 2011.

This album has been meticulously crafted at HotBox studios, and is one of the most anticipated TurkbyTone Rekkids releases of the year!
The album follows the BTE in their spiritual quest for the Sword of Xanthros; travelling through time and space, overcoming adversity and ultimately triumphing.
The fantastic artwork has been crafted by Hayden Lauridsen, and includes 4 spectacular trading cards featuring members of the BTE.

For you literary types, Bing has written a book to accompany the album. It's a 20,000-word action/fantasy/comedy/stupidity novelette called"Tour Trouble", featuring the BTE members and sundry henchmen, mages and bakers. See a preview here:

The rock-tastic Midnight Switch will be joining us for the release gig.
The stage will be decked out as a medieval castle, and certain parts of the concept album will be played out for your enjoyment.

You can listen to tracks and pre-order the album and book at http://turkby.bandcamp.com
Discover other TurkbyTone releases at http://turkby.co.nz


Album+Book release gig:
The Royal, Palmerston North, Aug. 13th 2011.
Doors open at 8:30PM, show starts at 9PM.
$5 entry, or $15 with CD.
Prize for best medieval knight-style getup, and best cardboard sword!


Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Freddy The Wonder Fish


Freddy the Wonder Fish performed another amazing feat on the weekend. He's a goldfish who lives in a big bowl near our front door. A while ago he leaped out of his bowl (I didn't even know goldfish could do that!) and we found him lying on his side in a shallow pool of water. I thought he was dead, but when I looked closer, his little gills and mouth were moving – he was saying “get me the hell back in the bowl!” So I put him back in and he was right as rain.
We should have put some kind of barrier in place, but I thought it was a completely freakish occurrence which would never be repeated. Well, on the weekend he jumped out again. But this time he wasn't so clever, and he landed on some dirt. By the time we found him he was looking dead and gone. The flies were starting to come and have a look. I put him back in the bowl just in case. He had dirt all over him. It was pretty sad. He lay on his side in the bowl, rather than topside up. He gave a weak flap of his fins every few seconds but I thought that it would be all over within an hour. But as we kept checking back on him, he got stronger and stronger. After an hour he was weakly swimming around his bowl, especially after my missus gave him a gentle nudge of the tail (his, not hers) to get him properly underwater again. He was still covered in dirt and looking like a zombie goldfish from one of those zombie goldfish movies. You know the ones.
I wished he was a cat, or another animal you could pick up and wipe down! We gave him a bit of food and crossed our fingers that he'd survive the night.
Well, not only was he still going in the morning, he had somehow managed to clean himself up. He was looking pretty fit actually. In fact, he seemed to be already planning his next “extreme goldfish sports” stunt. I hope he gives it up – I can't take the stress. Next weekend we'll be putting up some netting, spotlights and a goldfish guard tower. It's for his own good.